Mom and I went to see Evita tonight, which was great. But three hours sitting in a cramped chair did some serious damage to my already weak and painful legs. (The cancer has really mangled my left leg, and something else is mucking about with my right leg.) To the point that I haven't slept all night from the pain, and also that I was very unsteady walking out of the theater.

At one point my left leg started giving out on me in the very crowded lobby. I began to stumble to the left. My mom was on my right side, and tried to grab onto me, but as I was falling to the left, she had a hard time. I was calling out for help, and reaching out for someone to steady me and all of a sudden this lobby which had been packed full was completely empty at my left side. People actually walked away instead of offering me a steadying hand.

Sometimes people really do suck. It made me very sad to think no one would even bother to hold out their hand so I could keep from falling.

Fortunately mom is strong and kept me upright.

( And I mean a real angel. )
The more I thought about that conversation-that tapped into exactly how I've been feeling lately, the more sure I am that she was an angel.

Been a rough week for me. I got sick a week ago Sat-thought it was just chemo-type nausea but it lasted all week. Boy was it bad. I ended up at the hospital on Thus because I was so dehydrated. Was there 12 hours, spent 6 getting IV fluids. I didn't really start feeling better again till today-even over the weekend I had intestinal stuff, and a fever.

I went and stayed with my parents. I had something of an anxiety attack when I first got sick and didn't want to be alone. Came home yesterday. But today was a pretty good day, despite a little pain-all I needed was one pain pill, and that was the first in over a week. So there's that good bit.

Hope everyone is doing well! If I missed anything important on the Friends List point me there, I haven't had a chance to read my FL in a couple of weeks.

Not having the best day the past couple. One of my best friends was visiting from Florida, that was great, really great, but since she left I've been having a little more pain and my seasonal depression has kicked in again. One of my other best friends just reminded me that since she's known me, I've gotten depressed in March. Wish I could figure out why. Up North it could easily be Seasonal Affective Disorder, but not when I lived in FL.

Anyway-I'm also very, very bored. So if anyone has any distracting links to pass on, I'd be very grateful.

Love you all for being there for me so often!

The good is, I believe this chemo is working already. The pain has gotten SO much better in the last week, it's amazing. I'm down from 2 separate narcotics every 4 hours, plus a muscle relaxer to one pill for overnight and maybe one during the day. Some days none. And the muscle relaxer only every few days to a week.

The bad is my platelets are scary-low and I couldn't have my dose of chemo today. Explains all my bruising and bleeding. And extreme fatigue.

Hurry up and recover, platelets!

Thanks for the hugs, prayers, and good wishes. I've decided that there is no reason to go on thinking that this chemo won't work. It very well may. I'm not ready to throw in the towel and give up.

The fight just got a little harder, that's all. I can do it. Especially with all the support I've been getting, both from my rl friends and family, and my on-line ones as well.

The side effects yesterday were bad. I've been lucky when it comes to the stomach issues up till now. But I have a new med for the worst of the nausea and throwing up that I hope will make today go better. I took it just now, and in another 40 minuted will take the chemo. (Too bad there is no correlation between the suckier the side-effects the better it works!)

Had a CT scan monday, the tumors are growing again. The one in the soass muscle is so big it looks like a baseball.

I've been afraid of today's outcome for some time. I can't have any more Ifosfomide, because of the damage it's done to my kidneys. But there is little else left to try.

There are some clinical trials I would have to go to NY or Chicago for-and the expense of that would be prohibitive-but the results haven't been very exciting anyway. There are some promising new drugs for OTHER types of Sarcoma, just not mine.

One option they gave me was doing nothing, and just treating the pain. Hearing that was so frightening.

We're trying a "novel" approach, with two new chemos-which to me sounds like desperate measures or a Hail Mary or something. One is a pill I take daily for two weeks, the other is an IV I get once a week after each week of pills. Then I'm off for 1-2 weeks.

I haven't been this scared since I found out I had cancer in the first place. I really don't want to die.

The only bright light was they were able to give me the pills but bill it to my hospiralization part of my insurance, instead of the pharmacy part. Cause the pills are 100$ each. Each pill. And I need 14 a month.

So the doctor wasn't concerned about the pain because it's not the same kind of pain the tumors caused before, more muscular. And my phosphorus level continues to be low, which causes muscle pain. It's actually gone down in the last week, and the pain has increased, so there might be something to that. I have to remember to take those stupid meds!

I go back in three weeks and we'll reassess. No new treatments right now.

Hey everyone,

I go back and see my doctor tomorrow to see where we go from here. Like I posted before, I can't keep taking the old chemo anymore, it's done too much damage to my kidney's. Scary thing is, that's the chemo that has worked the best, and had the best chance of working.

I've started having pain again the last 2-3 days, so we're going to need to do something-I just don't know what. I'm hoping they've come up with something new in the last year, since I started the old chemo.

So if you would keep me in your thoughts and prayers tomorrow, I would appreciate it.

Seen with sjhw_tolerance And I think I got the same as her.

Your Expression Number is 4

Practical and down to earth - everything in your life is organized. You are a great writer and teacher. You never forget a detail. Very patient, you have the ability to cultivate talents in difficult fields. You also tend to have an artistic side. You'd make a great architect or classical musician. You face your responsibilities with a positive attitude - and you always get things done. You are serious, sincere, honest, and faithful. Sometimes your strong sense of responsibility leads to frustration. You also tend to develop strong likes and dislikes, which border on dogmatism. At you're worst, you can be a dominant disciplinarian.

I went to the humane society yesterday and adopted a new kitty. He's a tiger striped cat, sort of gray and brown and black, 2 years old, very affectionate. I call him Darwin. As soon as I get pics I'll post them. My mom says he's a skinny ugly cat. He IS too skinny. But he's adorable. And he constantly wants to be by my side, or on my lap. He's way more adventurous than Curie was-already he's found a way onto the counters, and loves to stick his head under my leaky faucet. Right now he's trying to get into my lap as I type. He's a keeper.

This is kind of what I've been afraid of. The good news is my latest CT scan showed the tumors are stable, so the chemo was working.

The bad news is I can't have any more of that chemo. It's been too rough on my kidneys. My bloodwork shows too many messed up electrolytes. Enough so that I have been having symptoms from the low phosphorus and potassium. So no more Ifosfamide for me.

If the tumors start to grow again, they'll try another chemo. What scares me is I've tried two others, and only the Ifos works. :(

What Be Your Nerd Type? Your Result: Social Nerd   You're interested in things such as politics, psychology, child care, and peace. I wouldn't go so far as to call you a hippie, but some of you may be tree-huggers. You're the type of people who are interested in bettering the world. You're possible the least nerdy of them all; unless you participate in other activies that paled your nerdiness compared to your involvement in social activities. Whatever the case, we could still use more of you around. ^_^
Literature Nerd
Gamer/Computer Nerd
Science/Math Nerd
Drama Nerd
Anime Nerd
Musician
Artistic Nerd
What Be Your Nerd Type? Quizzes for MySpace

I have to admit, that fits. Even if I am still a nerd. :)

Impossible-Quiz.com - The Impossible Quiz

I just want to know what the heck is a fartburgler?

To the person who gifted me with extra user pics and renewed my paid subscription! That was such an incredibly nice surprise!

Love and hugs and warm thoughts!

I ordered a book last week, for my dad for Christmas. (Something to help him use his hands as his therapists have recommended to him.) The website assured me that I was ordering in plenty of time to get the book by Christmas. It listed the book as in stock. It STILL does. Yet I check on it and get notice that it won't be shipped till the end of January.

YET one can still order this book, and with two-day shipping, according to them, get the book by Monday.

I called their customer service who swore he'd get me the book by Monday, then changed his mind saying it's in the 'shipping process' (how I ask you, when it says it's not due to ship till Jan 28th?) and it will not be received before Christmas, nor can I cancel the order and order it with two-day shipping.

I just fired off a nasty email. My friend Jules has had problems like this from them in the past. Let's hope my nasty emails are as effective as hers. From now on though, I'm going through BarnesandNoble.com

My friend Oooober has entered the Stargate SuperFan Contest.


Here's her entry. If you like it, give her a rating and a comment. She gets very excited by them. :D

Thanks for your support everyone. I'm starting to feel like myself again. But nboy is my typing rusty! Amazingly so, after just a few weeks not online much.

And they say the internet gives you no skills!